he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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