I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
