Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
