You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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