they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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