Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
