if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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