Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
