I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
