can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
