you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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