Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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