so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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