I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
