As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
