i just google imaged poop.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
