we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
