just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
