Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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