I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
