MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
