dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
