I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
