dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
