After last night, I could never be a politician.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
