The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
