Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
