New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
