My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
