Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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