her vagine was all disorganized.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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