i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
