so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
