best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Someone signed my nipple.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
