Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
