I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
