we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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