if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
