talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
