Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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