she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
