im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we're so committed to being not committed
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
