Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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