my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
