everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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