Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
