he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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