apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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