Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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