So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
