I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
