Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
